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This history of marriage and divorce in the US is shaped by cultural norms, evolving laws, and societal pressures. Early divorce was rare, stigmatized, and legally challenging. For most of history, social expectations and religious beliefs upheld marriage as a lifelong commitment, forcing many to remain in abusive or unhappy unions.
Beyond legal frameworks, unwritten rules dictated how relationships unfolded and dissolved. These informal agreements were mostly rooted in societal standards and gender roles, and were often underpinned by complicated separations. Understanding this history sheds light on the changing perspectives toward divorce and provides context for the legal and social dynamics of modern relationships.
The Burden of Social Status and Shame
Divorce previously had a much larger social stigma attached to it, especially for women, for whom ending a marriage was considered a “failure”. This was particularly true in smaller communities, where social observation was keen. Unlike today, no one was clear on how to ask for a divorce.
The social price for women was quite high at that time. The divorce stigma was not confined to social life but extended to employment and business relationships too. It was also difficult for those who divorced to access resources such as loans and credit. In fact, for women, fear of social rejection and economic destitution was a much greater disincentive to divorce than the legal entanglements.
This resulted in a situation where many felt trapped in miserable marriages, with unhappiness becoming a self-perpetuating cycle. While men were less scrutinized, they also suffered, particularly in business and politics where reputations could be ruined.
The Separate Spheres Doctrine
The 19th century saw the ”separate spheres” doctrine, under which men dominated the public sphere of politics and work, while women were confined to family and home life. This wasn’t merely a social convention, but also a pre-determined power dynamic in marriage.
Men were predominantly breadwinners, and often benefitted the most during a divorce or any other conflicting situation. Due to reduced social status and minimal economic autonomy, women had to deal with hurdles when seeking separation. Husbands were in the driving position all along, resulting in unequal property settlements and custody. Even when there was abuse, women were coerced to remain silent, choosing safety over individual freedom.
The Evolution of Divorce
Societal perceptions of marriage and divorce have changed considerably over the centuries, with significant additions to the law. No-fault divorce legislation after the 19th century (precisely in the 1970s) was a milestone. People were no longer required to establish fault in order to get divorced, and divorce became less acrimonious and more available.
This development shows how far we have come from the days when informal rules and societal norms governed relationships. There is still plenty of pressure from society in some instances, people now have much more liberty to find healthy, fulfilling relationships and end unhappy ones.
Endnote
Learning about the history of divorce, including these less apparent social norms, allows us to better understand the legal system in place today and the challenges people faced in the past. It reminds us that the freedom to decide how we want to live our lives, including the freedom to end a marriage, is a hard-won right.